Dating a surgery resident

But that aside, there is a major expectation that many fail to recognize while in a relationship and it’s this: your significant other will want to see you.

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Shoot for harmony through compromise; an allowance for notes to clash from time to time is healthy.

Greg, a doctor of OB/GYN has these words of wisdom, “There were times he and I spent lots of time together, times neither one of us had free time, weeks we had to live apart, days we never saw each other due to his training and work demands.

If, on the other hand, your resident doesn't want to talk about Patient Smith, or Patient Anyone, don't push. Non-medical things are interesting to residents, especially after a 27 hour shift talking only about medicine. Also understand if the last thing your resident wants to watch on a day off are shows about medicine.

But if your resident wants to talk about Patient Smith, and wants reassurance that he or she didn't accidentally kill Patient Smith, try and listen. People in law or finance or medicine or anything technical. If you are dating a resident, try and read some stuff about residency. Understand the frustration, and let your resident vent for fifteen seconds before continuing the show.

Residents have crazy things happen to them, often multiple crazy things on the same day. At least then you know what your resident is talking about, a little bit. Your resident does not want to perform physical exams at Thanksgiving. Recognize sleep deprivation for what it is, and not a larger sign of relationship trouble. Your resident is not trying to be difficult, or selfish, or lazy. It is likely very frustrating for your resident to watch Grey's Anatomy or its television siblings. Don't make that difficult by complaining it's late, there are dinner plans, and there is no time to shower.

Your resident probably doesn't know enough to actually help, even if he or she wanted to -- and, most likely, he or she doesn't want to. But that knee pain, or those warts -- tell them to see their actual doctor, and hold the questions. That's not an excuse, but understand that on the rare day off, maybe 13 hours of sleep is what your resident needs, even more than a delicious brunch that you even made a reservation for. Indulge your resident's use of the pause button on the DVR when watching shows with medical elements.

Meeting for dinner, a walk around the city, cuddling, holding hands…

These are the moments that are most important in life; your sanity in the midst of residency will be greatly improved for making time for more of them.

“Even when you are exhausted, if you are not at work, do your best to be present in whatever time you have together. Understand that if you and your partner are lucky enough to be sharing physical space with each other then YOU can take charge of a situation and make them feel loved and safe to show vulnerability; it doesn’t always have to be the other way around.

Ask questions about his/her day (or the past few days). A massage, a caress, a kiss, loving words, an open ear, offering a shoulder to lean on; these are things you have the power to manifest in the moment and leading by example may allow your SO to reciprocate.

Investing in one another through action is key, especially when all he/she may be able to see is the end result of a chore, a cute note, a tilled garden, or even a happy dog when they get home.

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